Everyday I fight the bile rising in my throat when I think about work. When I know that I have to work with my manager, I start to hyperventilate and have very irrational thoughts about what could happen and what I could do to get out of going into work.
Now, I've never felt this way about my job before. I've enjoyed working with the people that I work with and genuinely enjoy the regular customers that I have. But, having a new manager who doesn't exactly mesh with your style of learning or working isn't the best environment to be in. Especially when you're an anxious person like I am, it tends to make your fear and anxiety heighten.
I understand that I should have a hold on my anxiety, that I should probably see a therapist or take anti-anxiety medication for my panic attacks, but even thinking about those two things serves up more anxiety in my body.
Does this mean that I have failed? Does this make me half of a person to feel fear and anxiety and panic rising in my throat daily? Even if I see my phone ringing and it is work calling me, my hands start to shake. This isn't healthy.
I have been slowly trying to find a new job. I printed off my resume and have sent it to a few places. I am sending it to bookstores so I can hide my face in the books and pretend I am in a modern day Jane Austen book.
You know, priorities.
Please send help.
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