London Town

I'm officially settling down in London. I don't think that it has officially hit me yet that I am here and will continue being here for the next several months.

I live off Baker Street and have to weave in and out of tourists who are standing in line for the Sherlock Holmes museum. I'll go to the Starbucks on the corner and sit outside watching the people walk to and fro from the shops and sidewalks. Sorry, I mean pavement.

It's warm here and sitting in my room with the window slightly open isn't doing anything for me. I should probably change into shorts or a short skirt, but at the moment my jeans are currently covering my legs and I keep thinking how annoying it would be to change.

London is full of life and excitement. There is so much to do and see, and I feel silly for staying inside on such a gorgeous summer day, but my feet are swollen and I'm still jet lagged and I want to shower to feel the grime come off my body.

Last night was an adventure with someone I didn't know. We had a treasure hunt during the day and went to an Australian bar that night with the rest of the groups from Uni. After, a girl named Caitlin and I went to Covet Gardens, bought some sandwiches and drinks, and ate in Trafalgar Square. The city still doesn't seem real. Big Ben looks fake standing back there in the distance. It's not real just yet.

As we sat on the steps, a man sat next to us and talked to us for over an hour about London and the different things about life. He even showed us around London and the various parts that we should see both at night and during the day.

Maybe in a few weeks time I'll be over the time difference and the drowsiness, but until then, I don't believe it's real.

The Start of Something New

I leave for London tomorrow. Me. Gone.

London has always been this dream for me. One of those things that you think will never happen to someone like you because it's too good. It's too special. But, here the time has come for me to catch a flight to the dream.

I remember when I was about seven telling my mom that was where I was going to end up. I told everyone. People would laugh or roll their eyes because it's something a child says. Something a child does: dreams big.

Now, here we are. I'm making my dream a reality and as much as I am excited about it, I'm also terribly nervous. My heart is in my throat. There will be things that I miss desperately about home. My mom. My cats. My friends. The boy I kissed goodbye to a few nights ago. My ice cream friends. My job. Little, tiny things.

I need this though. It's the next step in my life and as much as I can be scared and terrified, I'm also clinging onto the possibility of a new future.

One where I make my own choices and do things selfishly.

At least for a little while.

Notes

When you lose your virginity when you’re seventeen because that boy who you thought you liked, who you thought you wanted to be with, at least for now, kept saying “stop being a bitch" and pushed your legs apart, remember that this is just a moment. It doesn’t define who you are. It’s a glitch in the system. A time that made you understand that people who push you into things aren’t the people that you need in your life.

Because you’ll meet other people. You’ll find someone who thinks you’re beautiful and will tell you what he thinks. He’ll want to actually hang out with you and have you meet his friends and not hide you away. He’ll want to be with you, but you won’t understand and push him away. Try not to do this. Accept his kisses. His hand. His demeanor and smile. Accept all these things with a hesitance, but remember that it’s okay to do so.