Reflections on the past four months

I'll be returning home in about three weeks and it was time for some reflection on things I have learned.

You start to learn how much it is important to keep in contact with people and how you need to make an effort to stay in touch as much as the other person. I've always been told that I'm very difficult to text or communicate with because I am very bad at texting back, but traveling to another country for an extended amount of time, means staying in touch. It means making sure you stay in constant communication with the people back home or you might simply grow too far apart. This has happened to me in the past, when friends have moved away to go to college and most of the people that I was really good friends with, I'm not anymore because of that line of communicating being taken away. I was never the one to reach out and the other person forgot as well. Which means, goodbye friendship.

The people that I know will always be there have contacted me as much as I have contacted them. Which is nice, it's nice to know that people out there care about you and miss you when you're off doing your own thing trying to find "who you are," as I have been trying to figure out for years.

Another thing I have learned is about cultures and adapting to them when you live somewhere for long enough. London has a lot of similarities to America, but it is very different to where I come from. Yes, people speak English here, but London is also one of the most diverse cities in the world where there is always people speaking in a number of different languages when you walk down the street.

Things I'll definitely miss is the accessibility of shops. At home, I have to drive everywhere which can be quite annoying, while other times (especially when it's cold) it's nice to drive. I'll miss the way that taxes are already included in the price of items, so you already know exactly how much you have to pay when you go to the till. I'll miss the way the light turns from red to yellow to green instead of automatically turning green from red. I'll miss that tips are already included and you can drink at 10am and no one will judge you. I'll miss the tube and the transport as much as I complain about it now. I'll miss the museums and the fashion taste and crazy hairdos. I'll miss the trilby hats and Nandos. I'll miss the architecture and the music and the buskers. It's been nice.

But, it also has made me miss little things about home. How there are 24 hour grocery stores and things usually don't close until about 9 or 10. I miss PF Changs and Oreos. I miss the bad foods that I like to munch on regularly. I miss my friends that already understand my insane personality and my string of words that make no sense. Stream of consciousness. I miss my mom and my cats and my own bed. I miss being able to wash my clothes properly and for free. I miss my clothes smelling like Tide and things being a hell of a lot cheaper. I miss working and making money. My friends at work that I left behind. Most of the people I left behind.

I'm excited to come home, but I also wish I could stay here. If only I could have both.

Growing up

Is everyone growing up but me? I keep getting emails and text messages from friends who are applying to grad schools or getting professional jobs or getting engaged. And for some reason, even after all the shit I have done, I still feel like I missed the memo. When did people start growing up faster than me?

They always say cherish your youth. But I never wanted that. I wanted to be an adult from the start, but it's all about jumping through the hoops of life and playing by the rules to even achieve any type of "growing up" plate.

London has given me opportunities I would have never had if I stayed home. It's exactly like that saying goes, the world/London is most definitely my oyster. Oyster card, more like.

I've had dinners with editors of publishing houses and made contacts with a number of publishers for the future. I've had incredible professors who also have a professional job outside of Regents. But, I still feel stuck tonight. Maybe it's just a phase. Maybe because I'm always fucking comparing myself to others. Here it is, though. Creeping.

Why is everyone growing up but me?